Mindblowing

Question: You are in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in the boat? How will you do it?








Answer: Take one cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become LIGHTER..... ...using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette deadly answer. Scroll down a little

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Another solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down
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Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee". .. .. .. .. .. .. .. . . . . . .
. . . If that was not enough, one more deadly answer.... scroll down
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Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"

Searching for me....???? I am also searching for the person who sent it to me!!!

Thanks Sapana

Smart woman

Woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" "No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked "No I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked. "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. " I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, " I'm not going to give you the money. "Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."

The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your hubby be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

Thanks Sunayna

A CEO's challenge

A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.

The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you."

The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"

Thanks Surbhitaneja

Must read leave letters - FUNNY

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India...

1. Bangalore Based Co: An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave"

2. Bangalore Based Co: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. Another gem :
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: - "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

One more to add on to laughter leave application wriiten by an employee to his boss.
" Iam suffering from health, fever came to me, leave me today" Your's Feverly...

Thanks Ragav

5 Ways to Say yes and NEVER say NO:

1. Yes. I can do this in your time frame and in your budget.
2. Yes. I can do this in your budget but I am going to have to change the time frame.
3. Yes. I can do this, but not in your time frame or your budget. Let's negotiate.
4. Yes. I can do this, but I do not think it is the best way. May I make suggestions?
5. Yes, I can have someone else do this for you.

What saying YES does.

• Gives you influence. If you do not want influence - you are not a leader.
• Gives your teammates faith in you. A yes man or women is seen as a faithful and loyal member of the team. Thats productive.
• Give you the emotional deposits to be able to lead for change and more productivity in the end.
If I want an easy life - Say NO. If I want influence - Say Yes.

I am a Yes Man and proud of it!

Thanks THIAGARAJU

20 tips that got me an IT promotion

1. I will work and think as if I were the SVP of my IT group. This will include how I interact in meetings, with co-workers in the hall, etc. This will train me for the future.
2. If I ever decide I don't like the company I work for, I will still act like the SVP because that is the position I want. I will not become a complaining, gossiping troll because my reputation will follow me.
3. I will look for areas that my company fails. One day I will fix that failure by starting my own company.
4. I will be the guy to speak out with new ideas in meetings. If it's going to save money or increase revenues, I will never be out of line.
5. I will lead others and show my strengths because someday I may want these people to work for me.
6. I will finish everything I start. I am not going to mentally bail on a project.
7. I will shut up and listen when I don't know 110%.
8. I will study new trends so I am the guy with the good idea.
9. Regardless of what my boss says, I will review myself each month and then ask for help where I need it. My company can train me so that I can move on.
10. If they ask for 132 TPS reports, I will do them. One day I may ask an employee of mine for similar reports (even though it's repulsive to think).
11. I will speak my mind in the face of rejection when I am confident that my idea is a winner. 12. I will know how competitors do things so I can suggest better solutions in meetings.
13. I will not bend to process bureaucracy. If the customer needs it, we have to figure it out.
14. I will learn as much as possible about the roles people play in my company. One day I will have to fill those roles.
15. I am able to recite my 5-year goal at any time.
16. Resume builders are nice but I am pushing for seminars that will train ME.
17. I will dress more professionally then the rest on casual Friday.
18. On internal conference calls, I will ask questions. Not dumb annoying ones, but questions that pertain to the company's EPS or EBITDA.
19. I will be in the office before my boss' boss 90% of the time.
20. I will leave the office after my boss 100% of the time.

Thanks THIAGARAJU

Nice puzzle - try to crack it ...

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.


One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good lo! oking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the b! us. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!


The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??


Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.






! Still you couldn't, Then see below.........











think hard
















common .............


















tired....












wanna know the answer????




ok........ there is the Answer............



During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor,
therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he
was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died
!!!!!!!!


Ha Ha Ha ha !!!!!!!! Obviously you gotta revise your science chapter
on Electricity ???

Thanks Sapana

Wedding Card (funny)

* ~Shree** **Khaa** **Naa* * **Ya Namaha~ *

*Mrs. and Mr.** **Sambhar** ** Chatni *

*Request the pleasure of the company of*
Mrs. & Mr. Idli

*On the occasion of the Marriage of their grandson,*

*SADA DOSA*
(* Son of Mrs. & Mr. Masala Dosa *)
to * PANI PURI *
(* Daughter of Mrs. & Mr. Bhel Puri *)

*on 30th September 2007, 12.00 noon at*

*Dahi Wada Hall, Samosa Building, *
*Cham Cham Road, Opposite Papad Theatre,*
*Haldiram, Mumbai Rasgulla 400 000.*

*Res. : "Nariyal ka Chatni", Paneer Rd.*
*Chola Battura Avenue, Mumbai Dhokla 400 111.*




*NO GIFTS PLEASE, ONLY PRESENTS.*

*Best wishes from : Mr. Ghee roast dosa and Mrs. Dahi puri *


Hhmmm.... feeling hungry right

Thanks Sapana

Height of Optimism...

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies", Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack in any direction" !.
================================================================= What is the height of mixed emotions??? when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur mercedes!!!!
================================================================= Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
=================================================================
bhikari : sahab ek rupiya de do.
Sahab : tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte.
Bhikari : abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?
=================================================================
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
=================================================================
Today a phone without wire is fashion.
One day will come when human without brain will be a fashion.

On that day, my friend, u will Rock..

Really funny jokes on marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends . You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
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It is difficult to understand GOD . He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives
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If u r married please ignore this MSG,
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage
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Galfriends r like chocolates, Taste gud anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS , Hot n spicy, eaten frequently. Wife r like Dal RICE , eaten when there`s no choice
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Man receives telegram: Wife dead should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

Thnaks Sapna

The Eagle Story...Changes for Survival

I was watching Discovery Channel Yesterday and I was watching a wild life program. Every thing could be converted into Inspiration.... See what EAGLE Taught me...
The Eagle Story... Changes for Survival....

EAGLE can live up to 70 years, but to reach this age, the eagle must make a hard decision in its' 40's. Its' long & flexible talons can no longer grab prey which serves as food, Its' long & sharp beak becomes bent. Its' old-aged & heavy wings, due to their thick feathers, become stuck to its' chest & make it difficult to fly.

Then eagle is left with only 2 options: die or go through a painful process of change which lasts 150 days.

The process requires that eagle fly to a mountain & the eagle knocks its' beak against a rock until it plucks it out. After this, eagle will wait for a new beak to grow back. When its' new talons grow back, the eagle starts plucking its' old-aged feathers & after 5 months, eagle can take its' flight of rebirth & lives for 30 more years

Moral of Story...

Many times, in order to survive, we have to start a change process. We sometimes need to get rid of Old memories, habits & other past traditions. Only freed from past Burdens,we can take advantage of the present.

Thanks Ragav

College Days

1. On being Late
"Kab chalu hua?"
"Attendance ho gaya kya??"
"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"
"Mein kya karu, Kumar bathroom mein ghusa hua tha"
"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu........ . bolna ....... kal kya padaya tha sir ne"
"Kal se pakka class karunga"
"Ek page de na.......... abe pen bhi to de......."
"Kal proxy mara tha kya"
"Yaar iss class ke liye koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"


2. During the lecture
"Yesss!!!! Sir.......The answer is ......huuuummmmm. ......aaaaaaaa. ......... .."
"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir... ."
"Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai"
"Abe lecture ko chod..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"
"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha.......gadha. ......"
"mera assignment tere paas hai??"
"Kya bore ho raha hai. Bola tha cigarette pene chalte hain ."
"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go canteen now!!!"
"Boss class khatam hote hi chai chahiye..... ."


3. Lab
"Expt. 2 likha??"
"Idhar Karna kya hai??"
"Yeh bhai.....mereko aata to tere pass kyon aata........ "
"Areee tu to bura maan gaya.......data dikha na........."


4. Mid Sem
"Mid Sem???? ......Aree yaar...... "
"Kya...... abe Mid Sem mein itna topic hai to annual mein kya hoga...."
"Boss..... hogaya...... aur nahi ho sakta....... .jaan nahi de sakta....... "
"Oh !!! Itna syllabus cover ho gaya ?"
"Aaj kounsa test hai?"
"Oye Sanjiv kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi aaya to mein pakka fail...."
After test......
"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteenchalega. .."


5. For attendance (less attendance isliye attendance badane ke liye bahane )
"I was in the class, lecturer mark karna bhool gaya "
"Oye usko thoda khus kar list se tera naam hata dega........ "
"Bola tha proxy regularly maar....... Saale tera class karne ka kya faida hua....."

6. Late submission of assignments
"Maine ukko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein submit kar dena"
"Last date extend hua thaa"
"I didn't know the last date"
"Ab mein kya karu wo mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya......."
"They should allow XEROX....... ."


7 . After exam
"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya?"
"Achha !!! ye aise hota hai kya?"
"Ye subject ka reference book kounsa hai"
"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2....... Gaya........ ..fail pakka....... "
"Yaar notice lagte hi faad dena........ wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh kar......"


8 . VIVA (b4 exam)
"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"
"Aeee......Rohit. ....terese kya poocha...... ."
"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."
"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ka ab tak preparation nahi hua hai"



9 . VIVA (General)
"Dekh , tu jo bhi padhega , woh (external) tereko woh nahi poochhnewaala, then watz the point"
"Roll no. 1 aur 2 ka watt laga diya hai"
"External is asking Bermuda Triangle ka Magnetic force kitna hai"
"Ye kounse unit mein aata hai"


10 . Submission
"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"
"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"
"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."
"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"

11 . A convo:
"Ye tune kya likha hai????"
(The best one)
"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha hai uska drawing nikal"
"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"
" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya , tu bhi wohi kar."
"Koi hint........ "
"Are baba ghasit de........na tu samjega na wo........"


12. Exam
"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai who aata hai"
"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai"
"ye last time hi poochha thaa"
"tere paas is ke notes hai??"
"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks the story)"
"nahi samjha to rat le"
"External ka aane ka pura scene hai....... "
"Iss paper mein roll number ka kya order hai........"
"Pichle paper mein to kuch to aata tha.......issmein to anda aata hai......"
"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........"

Strange Tourist ...

The phone rings in a tourist agency

“Do you sell tours to Egypt?”

“Yes.”

“What resorts do they have there?”

“Hurgada, Nuveyba, Taba…”

“Fine! Nuveyda’s the one!”

“And when would you like to go there? Can we make your booking?

“Never! We’re trying to finish a crossword!”

Thanks Elamurugumba

Juggler and the cop ...

On the way to a show, a juggler is stopped by the police.

“What are those big knives doing in your car?” asks the officer.

“I use them in my act.”

“Oh, yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see.” The juggler starts tossing and catching the deadly blades.

“Thank God,” says a passing driver to his passenger, “I’m glad I quit drinking and driving. Look at the test they’re giving you now.”

Thanks elamurugumba

Memory test ...

Three old friends are taking a memory test.

The doctor asks the first, “What’s three times three?”

“274,” he answers.

“Hmm.” The doctor turns to the second man. “What’s three times three?”

“Tuesday,” he replies.

“What’s three times three?” the doc asks the last man.

“Nine,” he answers.

“Great,” the doctor says. “How did you get that?”

“Simple. I subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

Thanks elamurugumba

What's the time?

Exhausted after driving all night, a man decided to pull over to get some sleep. He had justsettled back to snooze when there was a knock on the window.

He opened his eyes to a jogger, who asked, "Excuse me, but do you have the time?"
"It's 8:10."

"Thanks," he replied, running off. The man had just dozed off again when there was another knock.

"What time is it?" asked a hiker.

"8:25."

Fed up, the man put a sign in his window that read "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!"
Knock, knock! He was suddenly awakened again.

Scowling, the man rolled down the window. "What?" he yelled at the Boy Scout standing there.

"It's 8:45."

Source: Reader's Digest